Can you give me some advice...some enlightment...something?

When I was 14, my mom married John Doe. Now, I am 21 and my mother is still married to him. In the 8 years that they have been married, John Doe has never worked or provided any real income into the household, and my mom worked as a LPN nurse. John Doe was basically a lazy bum who made excuses for not getting a job. I finally came into realization that he just didn't want to work. So, I got tired of his laziness and moved out of my mom's home and started living with my aunt. Plus, I always felt like my mom put him before me anyway. Now, John Doe just recently had open heart surgery with a crap load of medical bills. And my mom no longer works as an LPN because of dialysis and her horrible diabetic issues. She also has a crap load of medical bills. The only source of income the household is getting is disability income because of my mom and her various sicknesses, but her disability income still doesn't cover all her expenses and household bills. While I was in high school, I had a job at a fast food restaurant so I was able to help out my mom. But now that I am in college, I can't really help her because I don't have a job. With financial aid, I applied for various workstudy positions at my university but no one hired me this year or last year...Right now, in all honesty, I just feel so defenseless because I am only a junor in college and I am up to my neck in student loans. Financially, my mom is barely making living on a month to month ratio. Most of the times when I may need some money for school I can't count on my mom to give me money because she has none. But eventually, I have to end up asking her anyway and she'll just pull out a loan. But I don't like when she does that because she has to pay those crooked loan sharks back. Well, how is she gonna pay them back if she's making it off the little the she gets? John Doe doesn't work and again, these stupid workstudy programs won't hire me. I even went to nearby places off of campus to get a job but i guess im just not a lucky person when it comes to jobs...It's really hard sometimes because there are things I need such as a car and books and stuff but I can't even get them. I live on campus and my university is at least 2 hours away from home. I get tired of asking people for rides here and there and having to pay them gas money when I could be using that in my own vehicle, ya know? My mom wants to help me with everything, but let's face the facts, she can't help me. She can barely help herself and the peice crap of a husband is now sick and...he disgusts me, but I still feel bad that he's sick. I can't ask my biological for anything because he told me that he didn't want me, so I just don't bother with him. Honestly, there are times when I just wanna commit suicide and say F*** IT ALL!! Then I'll be one less burden for everyone. I don't like to ask any other family members for anything because I really don't get along with my family. I'm what you would call "the black sheep" of my family. And if I did ask them for money then they'll just throw it back in my face anyway. That's what they do. I just feel like I don't know what to do. There are times when I just want to drop out of school and go work just to decrease the amount of bills that my mom has and get a car, but I also know that in order to become anything in life and in order to do something with your life then you'll need a college education...I'm just at a point where Im aggravated with everything and I know my mom watch to take care of me and help me but she just can't do it anymore. I guess I just need to put on my girl panties and suck it up. But honestly, I don't where else to turn. I've prayed. Crying doesn't seem to help. Fussing with my mom and John Doe doesn't solve anything. It only makes it worse. I just feel like at the end of the day all I can do is blame myself...i don't know.